School's Well... In Session and More than Halfway Through (Boy Am I Behind!)
Well hello there! It has been a while, hasn't it? Wow so much has happened since I wrote last. I mean, another year has passed. Sometimes I just forget to do things... Unfortunately this was one thing I forgot to do... write. Well you will be glad to hear that my Freshman year ended well! I had my first and only two all-nighters and survived!! Yay! One of those all-nighters was the night before the color run.. boy was that an adventure! But I'm doing it again, so hey! I must have liked it! Lol. Anyhow, God taught me a lot in those last few months of school about trusting Him completely and giving everything over to Him. Still an extremely challenging task, but I have a hope because He is my God and He will uphold me! (Isaiah 41:10)
Over the summer I got the chance to once again be a counselor at CentriKid Kids Camp with my church! I had five beautiful young ladies once again and they were my pride and joy for a week! I had the chance to interact with them, get to know them, and live life with them. I got the opportunity to show Christ to these beautiful young girls. It was such an amazing experience once again! I had a fantastic time at OMC like always and got more involved this time! One of the greatest things that I could have ever had the privilege of experiencing was leading one of my little girls to the Lord! I cannot even begin to explain to you the sheer joy I had with this beautiful lady. She absolutely positively lit up when she described to me her desire to come to know the Lord forever!
Last semester was absolutely fantastic as well as an extreme challenge. I saw things in people that I didn't know were possible, and because of this, I struggled in my walk with the Lord. The Great I AM was extremely far from me as I was drug down into a pit of deep despair and depression. I have never struggled in any way with depression before, but I had a glimpse in this moment and it such the scariest thing. I hated every minute of it. I felt unloved, unwanted, insecure, worthless, and most of all, like I could never come out of that state. I constantly felt the devil dragging me further and further from the Lord and I had no idea how to escape! I knew I could only do this with the Lord's help, but I had no willpower. Finally one night, I broke down in front of my two best friends, and they, for like the fifteenth time, saw how completely and utterly broken I was. They could not stand the sight of me like this. Through their guidance I finally decided I just needed to brake down at Jesus' feet. I needed to come to Him, my rescuer, and ask for help... beg for help. I needed Him and His rescuing so incredibly badly. I needed Him to help me out of the pit I was in. I decided, while crying to the One who Saved me's feet, that I needed to fast in order to get my mind focused back on the Important One. Something extremely drastic that would force me to focus on the One who saved me. The drastic depression I was in needed a drastic response. This was no, "I'm going to stay off the internet." No, this was, "I am not going to eat. I am going to fill the time I would normally eat with the reading of His word, talking to Him, and writing to Him." This was a drastic response to a drastic problem. And it was the most beautiful thing. All I can think of is that it was like I was wrapped in this cacoon of self-doubt, and self-pity, and when I focused on the Lord, it was like I came out of that cacoon, a stronger and beautiful person... or butterfly if you want to continue that analogy. My friends later said that they had noticed before-hand that I had not been myself at all. Like I had been a completely different person. And it scared them. They were so relieved and overjoyed at the fact that I had been renewed!!! It felt so wonderful that there really were people who cared about me! Those people are the ones that continue to be my closest friends no matter what. I thought I had so many more close friends, but when hardships come, you find out who cares about you the most. The Lord puts people in your life for a reason. Whether to teach you a lesson, teach you something about others, about yourself, or just be your friend, there is always a reason. Sometimes those people leave for a while, sometimes forever, and sometimes not at all. But there is always a reason. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." and Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."
For now, I will close with the encouragement from Psalms 23:
Over the summer I got the chance to once again be a counselor at CentriKid Kids Camp with my church! I had five beautiful young ladies once again and they were my pride and joy for a week! I had the chance to interact with them, get to know them, and live life with them. I got the opportunity to show Christ to these beautiful young girls. It was such an amazing experience once again! I had a fantastic time at OMC like always and got more involved this time! One of the greatest things that I could have ever had the privilege of experiencing was leading one of my little girls to the Lord! I cannot even begin to explain to you the sheer joy I had with this beautiful lady. She absolutely positively lit up when she described to me her desire to come to know the Lord forever!
Last semester was absolutely fantastic as well as an extreme challenge. I saw things in people that I didn't know were possible, and because of this, I struggled in my walk with the Lord. The Great I AM was extremely far from me as I was drug down into a pit of deep despair and depression. I have never struggled in any way with depression before, but I had a glimpse in this moment and it such the scariest thing. I hated every minute of it. I felt unloved, unwanted, insecure, worthless, and most of all, like I could never come out of that state. I constantly felt the devil dragging me further and further from the Lord and I had no idea how to escape! I knew I could only do this with the Lord's help, but I had no willpower. Finally one night, I broke down in front of my two best friends, and they, for like the fifteenth time, saw how completely and utterly broken I was. They could not stand the sight of me like this. Through their guidance I finally decided I just needed to brake down at Jesus' feet. I needed to come to Him, my rescuer, and ask for help... beg for help. I needed Him and His rescuing so incredibly badly. I needed Him to help me out of the pit I was in. I decided, while crying to the One who Saved me's feet, that I needed to fast in order to get my mind focused back on the Important One. Something extremely drastic that would force me to focus on the One who saved me. The drastic depression I was in needed a drastic response. This was no, "I'm going to stay off the internet." No, this was, "I am not going to eat. I am going to fill the time I would normally eat with the reading of His word, talking to Him, and writing to Him." This was a drastic response to a drastic problem. And it was the most beautiful thing. All I can think of is that it was like I was wrapped in this cacoon of self-doubt, and self-pity, and when I focused on the Lord, it was like I came out of that cacoon, a stronger and beautiful person... or butterfly if you want to continue that analogy. My friends later said that they had noticed before-hand that I had not been myself at all. Like I had been a completely different person. And it scared them. They were so relieved and overjoyed at the fact that I had been renewed!!! It felt so wonderful that there really were people who cared about me! Those people are the ones that continue to be my closest friends no matter what. I thought I had so many more close friends, but when hardships come, you find out who cares about you the most. The Lord puts people in your life for a reason. Whether to teach you a lesson, teach you something about others, about yourself, or just be your friend, there is always a reason. Sometimes those people leave for a while, sometimes forever, and sometimes not at all. But there is always a reason. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." and Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."
For now, I will close with the encouragement from Psalms 23:
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
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